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What Your VP Pick Says About You  
09:13am 03/09/2008
Darryl Mott Jr
John McCain recently announced his pick for Vice President: Sarah Palin.

Now, anyone who knows me knows me little Naughty Librarian fetish. I would hit that so hard, if you pulled me out you'd be King of England. However, I would wear a condom (because I had proper sexual education) because I firmly believe that stupidity of this level is sexually transmittable.

Picture may be photoshopped, but it's still hot

Here are a few facts about Sarah Palin that have been unearthed so far (and being a blogger instead of a reporter, I don't need to source this...I would if it weren't for the fact that you could find this shit yourself with a simple google search):

- She was mayor of a town of less than 6000 people. She got a federal grant of $20 million for the town. She left her term as mayor with a $24 million debt.

- While mayor of the town, she tried to get the librarian fired for not helping her get books banned.

- Speaking of abuse of power, she tried to get her brother-in-law fired as a state trooper.

- Her family business of a car wash was shut down because of tax fraud.

- She preached abstinence-only sexual education which resulted in her 17 year old daughter getting knocked up (possibly twice depending on how strong your tin foil hat is).

- She's a creationist. Don't get me started on that one.

- She feels that we as Americans are on a mission from God in Iraq...and that's all she knows about the "war".

- She doesn't know what a Vice President does. (Hint: Perform the functions of the office of the President should he/she be disabled and cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate)

McCain's reaction when he realized who he picked

But wait, it turns out that Obama has a Vice Presidential nominee as well. I can understand why you forgot since no one's talked about him since he was announced.

So back to the topic at hand...what does your VP nominee say about you?

McCain's nominee is a woman, thus getting him disgruntled Clinton votes (as in those people who'll vote for anyone whose sexual organs are innie instead of outie). His nominee is a staunch Conservative Christian, thus ensuring he keeps the Fundamentalist/Evangelical vote. Her experience is that she was governor of our least populous state for less than two years and...ummm...she was president of her PTA!

Obama's nominee is the sixth longest-serving senator with six terms under his belt. He is the current Chairman of the Senate Committee on Foreign Policy. He is a member of the Committee on the Judiciary including the subcommittees on Antitrust Competition Policy and Consumer Rights; Crime and Drugs (chairman of this subcommittee); Human Rights and the Law; Immigration, Border Security, and Refugees; and Technology Terrorism and Homeland Security.

McCain's nominee was chosen for the sole purpose of trying to get as many votes as possible with no consideration to the woman actually serving as Vice President.

Obama's nominee was chosen to balance his weaknesses in foreign policy and experience.

There's an old saying in advertising, "Sell the sizzle, not the steak." In a situation like this, one side's selling the steak while the other side is selling the sizzle. Shame the sizzle is from a grilled shit sandwich.

mood: amusedamused
music: "Franco Un-American" by NOFX
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